Albert Pinto Ko Gussa Kyon Aata Hai

Well, forget about Albert for now, though it is an awesome movie. My gripes are more important now because this is my blog and not Albert's! About a month ago, Zee TV launched Zee Sports here in the US and, since I am a DISH Network customer, gave me a free preview of the channel for a week. India-Australia series was just about to begin and the timing was perfect. I got to watch the first two ODIs on TV for free. Or, did I?

Being a very 'organized' person that I am with all things cricket, I had already bought the 'specially priced' package on Willow.tv a week before, like I always do. Trying to be a smart a$$ this time, I even bought a 'package deal' that covered both the Ind-Aus and Ind-Pak series at a decent discount. I was pretty pleased with my planning. Only for Zee TV to drop the bomb on me a week later! Very nice!

Anyways, I watched the first two ODIs on big screen, and was very impressed, because till now I used to watch cricket on my laptop which was like eating bisibele bhat with one finger: You have it, you are eating it, but you are not fully enjoying it. OK, bad analogy, but that is how I felt. So, to see cricket again on TV was awesome news and was good enough to make me subscribe to the channel at $20 a month. This, after paying much more to Willow.tv. But I don't regret it a bit because a dear friend of mine who is equally passionate about the sport is trying to make use of it. So, money well spent, and I am happy! :)

And that leads me to the list of things that have been pissing me off over the past few days. I needed to let it out of my system, so here I go:

1. Once the free preview period is over, if anybody is watching the channel, it is only those who have subscribed to the channel, correct? You would think this is very straightforward. But not the head-honchos at Zee TV! At every break, which is almost as frequent as Dhoni adjusting the Velcro on his batting gloves, they have to pop up this really loud message urging you to "Subscribe to Zee Sports!" You might say "No big deal" but put that with what else happens on this channel: Celebrities like Preeti Jhangiani, Deepika Padukone, and Yana Gupta popping up every 5 minutes to enlighten us by saying "You are watching Zee Sports. Thanks for watching!" Oh yeah? Thank you!

By the way, the only batsman that comes in and goes back between two of these breaks is Virendar Sehwag.

2. The more I watch cricket, the more generous I tend to become with my money it seems! I am thinking of opening a fund in the name of Arun Lal and calling it "Go Home Mere Lal" and do something similar for Aamir Sohail. The fund will pay a fee for these two commentators for each game they watch sitting at home instead of holding the microphone. I mean, who hires some of these idiots!? I have a strong hunch that Arun Lal actually pays the TV channels for letting him do the commentary. So, I guess the fund will have to compensate the TV channels also for the lost revenue from these idiots. I am also thinking of making a recommendation to ICC to require all the commentators to pass TOECL (Test of English as a Commentary Language). I can ignore their limited cricket wisdom but not their bad English. And would somebody please tell Aamir Sohail that he might want to consider a career in 'Haunted Storytelling" at the Disney World? He might actually make some money there!

There was a time when it was fun, entertaining and enlightening to hear the commentary when folks like Harsha Bhogle used to hold the mic. Those days, past cricketers were 'invited' as expert commentators to add that extra touch of authenticity and experience. Now they are "imposed" on us.

By the way, watching Salman Butt, Yuvraj and Dhoni bat so beautifully last night was an experience marred only by the commentary team led by Arun Lal. I was so hoping for Arun Lal to make a mistake saying Salman Butt's name by misplacing the 's and embarrassing himself. Didn't happen. That reminded me of an incident but this is not the place to recount it. But you have to feel sorry for Salman and those that share his last name. With a last name like that, who would want to go to high school in countries like USA and become the butt of all jokes! I knew a guy who I played cricket with here in Chicago who shared his last name with Salman. And he married an American girl named Rosie. Hmmmm.

3. Kirti Azad. Why is he even allowed to wander near cricket grounds? Since when is he considered a 'Cricket Expert?' Why is he paid to sit with Padam and talk stupid and arrogant (somehow these adjectives always seem to go together!)? How many Tests has he played? 7? With a highest score of 24? Come on, we deserve better than this guy! But I must congratulate him for getting two things right so far: #1 - He said Sehwag should be dropped for the Kanpur match and #2 - He chose to join BJP when he entered politics. Now, if he just shuts up and goes home, he will have scored 3 out of 3 that he is capable of!

You don't want me to continue, do you?